Shhhh, be vewy vewy quiet

I’m hunting Cwydesale…huhuhuhu. I realize that I have oh so recently proclaimed my participation in the Tri-Raider sprint triathlon this coming weekend but I lied…or did I?

You see, sometimes it helps to know all the race directors in your region on a first name basis and sometimes it is nice to have your reputation as a glutton for punishment preceed you and sometimes…well, not so much. When the characteristics of a) friends who are RDs and b) reputation combine a certain synergy takes place that results in the RD thinking something like this.

RD - “Hey, we’ve got a registration here from Brian”
Assistant – “He’s coming back again? Didn’t he just do (fill in the blanks)!?”
RD – “Yeah, but you know him…that old boy just has a head full of simple”
Assistant – “Which race did he sign up for the sprint or the half?”
RD – “Are you kidding, (not looking at the registration form or, apparently the paltry sum on my check) he’s doing the half.”

…and so it is sports fans, I’m doing the half…the dreaded Buffalo Springs Lake Triathlon 70.3. for those not in the know, BSLT 70.3 is “dreaded” because of the climbing, the heat, and the exposed nature of most of the course. The bike course takes you sailing in and out of canyons on a regular basis but fortunately those dives and climbs are punctuated by flats. The run begins pretty flat for the first three miles and then you have to run up out of the canyon where you are greeted by “The Energy Lab”. The Energy Lab is a four mile out and back that has a couple climbs on it but it is completely, perfectly, brutally exposed and you hit it in the very heat of the day with temps historically ranging between 98 and 106 (I believe that was the record high).

Here’s the bike profile that seems to scare everyone…decide for yourselves.

Now a reasonable person might say, “Well, you could simply bring this mistake to the RDs attention and do the sprint, after all you paid to do a sprint and you just did a half three weeks ago.”

Sure, right. First of all this is the grizzled old RD who has done something like 300 tris himself and lectures us on the evils of “Starbucks Triathlons”…the old school “When I was your age we swam through molten lava, pedaled stones through fields of razor wire and ran on fields of broken glass soaked in lemon juice” RD. Second, I really strive to save whatever rationality I can muster for my day job, which leaves me precious little for the remainder of my waking hours.

The up sides?...Well, there are a few.

1) I’m a stealth entry. I’ve told everyone I was doing the sprint and they are probably thinking “His name on the roster is just a mistake…he’s not gonna do the half”

2) I get to work on my long course nutrition again before IM Louisville.

3) I get another crack at limiting my sucking on a long course race.

4) I get to do ALL of BSLT. For those who are new to my escapades, or those who have the gall to read about them without scrupulously taking notes and committing to memory every detail of my life history, I was registered for the BSLT 70.3 last year but suffered a fractured hip before the race so I was unable to participate…well, at least fully. I still did the swim and the bike (Aquabike), I mean, come on…it was a hip!

5) And the #1 reason to go ahead and race the half…easy…I get to spend more time with Outlaws! There will be a number of us there lowering the general respectability of the event including Ironman vets “Mighty” Mike Montoya, Tim “Sluggo” Chavez, Maria “Go Go” Ladd, and Debi “Ironmaiden” Wess. In addition, the one and only Dread Pirate will be making her half-iron debut!

Hey, look at it this way…it will make for a better race report.